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IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLE: CHOP OR GET CHOPPED IN THE YELLOW BUS

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I am one of the small fraction of people who could show at your office on a Monday, wearing my sneakers and beaming the biggest smile because I feel extremely comfortable.

This was perhaps the same mindset of the conductor in my bus this morning. The conductor is a lady dressed in brown combat shorts, a  black polo and a black baseball cap to match.

No, she didn't have a coarse voice but the way she went about canvassing for passengers and helping them with their luggage made the job look graceful.

For a second, I forgot everything I ever knew about being a conductor in Lagos. This is one of the many surprises, Lagos gifts you.

To shock you further, the lady conductor's husband was the driver. We were in an official 'Family Bus.'

I was running late. I took intermittent glances at my wristwatch. This was definitely not the mornings that I could boast of being an early bird. My body had succumbed to the 'body no be firewood' gimmick.  Few more minutes into the time and the sprinting bus pulled up at the junction in front of us to allow a middle aged man in a military uniform.

The bus eased forward on the remnant of the once tarred road, taking turns to dabble into pot holes till it got on a smoother surface.  "Your money!" The conductor stretched her palms and passengers graced her palms with their naira notes.

"Oga, your money!" she stretched her palms towards the man dressed in a military uniform.

"I be officer. Abi, you no look me? he shot back at her.

"Leave am, na officer" her husband pacified her.

In Lagos, there is an unwritten law that a Military or Paramilitary officer is entitled to a free ride. Drivers had used me during my NYSC period to scare agberos away.

"Officer dey here o," they 'd say. I would be dressed in my khaki and looking fierce. Yes, I am such a clown. One peep in the car by the Agberos and they scurried away. Some drivers and conductors were that mischievous.

 We drove for few more minutes then a familiar voice registered his alighting.

"Under bridge, o wa o" the military man announced and slided down the bus and hurriedly crossed over the road.

One fast glance at the man will tell you that the man was never a military man. He was just a mechanic wearing a branded automobile company shirt in black trousers, a beret, and bathroom slippers.

"Oga, come give me  my money. Ole!" the female conductor yelled.

The middle aged man stole a quick side-eye glance and hastened his steps.

"Hol' am!" a huge guy seated in the front seat hollered and the man took to his heels.

There was a roar of laughter but 'Aunty Conductor' was certainly not having it.


Fake Military Guy 1 Vs Aunty Conductor 0




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