IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLES: THE YELLOW BUS IS A BATTLEFIELD PREPARATORY ARENA

One of the things you won't be told about sleeping on a Sunday night while listening to Bradley Cooper and Gaga's Shallow is that you will be waking to a blaring alarm and the busy Lagos roads on a Monday.

It had rained the previous night. The weather is obviously cold. Take a bike and you will alight with your teeth clattering while your body shivers. So, you take a bus with a mind ready to tackle whatever lurks on the road.

The road is abnormally free. I am still wondering If I slept past Monday into a Tuesday.

The passengers are all calm till a lanky guy dressed in brown chinos, a cream coloured shirt to match and black heavy boots makes his way into the bus to sit by me.

He has his earphones tucked in his ears.

"Yes?" The conductor says in his hoarse voice after a couple of minutes. The young man casts a rather blank gaze at him and continues to listen to whatever was tingling his ears from the speaker of his phone.

"Yes?" uttered by a bus conductor in a Lagos bus is certainly not an affirmation. It's an urging for you to dip your hands in your pocket and pay your fare. Call it an undocumented culture and you won't be far from the truth.

Clearly, the young man was new in town. "You have to tell me to pay and not say yes," he tries to correct the conductor in his Hausa mingled accent. His English is clean and sleek with a lace of that recognizable Hausa smear. It's the way educated northerners speak, I have heard it countless times from the fine broadcasters on NTA, from my friends Muaz and Abdul. Everytime, I hear it, I recognize it.

My gaze stray to his fingers. They are well groomed just about the way our northern brothers would. I have a hidden ability of stating where people originate from by looking at their fingers.
Weird thing, I know but it's true.

"E funmi owo joor," the conductor yells from the corner of the bus where he hangs his plump tall frame like the flag poles you would effortlessly spot at embassies and consulates.

"Excuse me, I will give you. Your bus is tight," Mr Northern brother replies with slight irritation.

Brother Conductor was slightly not going to keep calm without a fight. He cursed and swore in Yoruba and 'Mr Polished Northern Brother' cursed right back in English and Hausa.

The driver, an elderly man had been quiet all the while.

"Him go give you, leave am," he urged his conductor. We ride amidst the passengers murmuring about who was at fault and who wasn't while I was scoring the two 'bus titans.'

"Eko Hotel o wa o," Mr Northern Brother informs the driver. The bus gets to the gate of the popular Eko Hotel, makes an abrupt halt and he alights handing his fare to the conductor.

The conductor has an angry look on his face but I have my scores. There was no point of putting up a fight. If they made an attempt to fight, Mr Nothern brother would grind those tiny toes of the conductor with the sole of this 'caterpillar boots'.

Nothern Brother 1 Vs Conductor 0 .

CREATING YOUR CERTAINTY IN A NOT-SO-CERTAIN WORLD

We are all living with the same level of global uncertainty. Certainty is what you create. The degree of certainty that you are experiencing right now is what you have decided to create. Certainty is not bestowed on you from some external source. You create the environment that you are able to prosper from. You decide the level of risk you are comfortable with, you decide whether to change and develop the skill to become comfortable with higher levels of uncertainty. Every day you are assessing risk, whether starting a business, leaving a job, booking a holiday or getting on a train. Not deciding still counts as a decision and this is a decision to remain uncertain. How to Create Certainty in an Uncertain World You cannot control the world or anyone in it but you can trust in yourself. Here is how to create certainty in an uncertain world: Remember that challenge and change are merely detours in the right direction, if you are open to the lessons that the challe...

In the eye of the mind

She says a dance plus a step Makes up to two steps Is Pythagoras aware? Did you slurp off the vine? Is that why your eyes are red? Thou old drunk lady! Down the broad long road She walks in zig-zag steps On her head rests her load Paying imaginary debts Stable as change On every table matter sits change Yet unstable as water Eyes stare in the mirror Your face is all it sees O careless traveller! When your eyes are open Sights stick to your breasts Like cotton stuck to glue Like sap to a gmelina tree Will you from what you see set your heart free? A matrix of thoughts Electroplated smiles Embellished frowns Interconnected psychic fibres Excreting emotions in fluid and pulp A thunderstorm A ravaging storm Stick your eyes on my back Against your back, my sword makes a barricade Order and pressure me to be lame Your long rolled-up tongue, i will tame I have seen you When the tempest does not rage O disappearing captive of my rib cage I feel yo...

MEET AYOTUNDE SOFELA, THE FEMALE MECHANIC WHOSE HEART BEATS FOR PROPER MAINTENANCE OF CARS

Goldfishes have no hiding place, so I guess this is why Ayo could not find a hiding place either. My first contact with her was on Twitter when I was looking out for women in male-dominated industries. I had an open mind while I was on the lookout but my thought had not given me the clue that I 'd stumble a sweet female Mechanic. Ayotunde Sofela is a 25-year-old Mechanic from Abeokuta in Ogun state. Born and bred in the boisterous city of Lagos and a 400 level computer science student at the National Open University (NOUN). She is the dedicated hands behind Ayomatics Garage, a young startup focused on delivering efficient, reliable, and trustworthy automobile repair, maintenance and consultation. "I didn’t always have this passion from childhood. Like most children, I wanted to grow up to be a doctor. I think that was influenced by the fact that I spent my childhood days in the midst of medical practitioners. When I got into a secondary school, that idea chang...

JENNIE IFEATU

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