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IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLE: A TASTE OF FUJI BUS OF COMMOTION

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Sometimes what we tend to see is a facade, there is usually more to it. Don't get all serious and expect a motivational talk. Life is honestly not as serious as you think.

When you see a beautiful and sophisticated lady, the first thing that comes to your mind is "What a wonder you are." However, what you don't know is that wonders, come in different shades and versions.

Today, I am seated in a bus between a 'wonder woman' wearing really heavy makeup. If you know me in real life,  you will know that I don't quickly take to things like this but if I tell you it was heavy. Take me for my words.

Today, I am a little drowsy. Taking drugs that contain sleep-inducing elements comes with a payback. I close my eyes for a short nap. Soon, the bus jerks, I open one eye to scan my environment. All is well. I settle in for another short nap and there is another jerk.

Thanks to the Nigerian Government who give us the 'best of roads' in the world. These are roads that can literally turn babies in the womb from the Breech position to Cephahlic position.

I am wide awake now and my eyes stray to my seat partners. 'Aunty Heavy Makeup' is rubbing the car seat in front of us. She moves her well-manicured fingers with some level of gentility.

I am tempted to gasp within me, "What a touchy person she is." My neck aids my head to turn its view and take a glance at a billboard across the expressway. My glance returned to 'Aunty Heavy Makeup' to meet my shock.  I watched her dig into her nose and smear her phlegm on the car seat.

My touchy lady had been sharing a generous amount of germs from her very 'kind nose.' I am tempted to say something but I remain calm. Causing embarrassment anyone wasn't on my to-do list.

The driver requests for his fare. I dip my hand in my wallet and select a two hundred naira note. She looks at me with a smile,"Can I  have your change?"

"I hand it over to her with every caution in me not to get touched with her 'touchy' fingers and a Mr Bean smile.

The young man beside me hands the driver a thousand naira note.

"Why you enter this motor with one thousand naira note?" The driver shoots.

"Haaan haaaan! No be money wey I get I go pay?" The young man responds.

As much as I am proudly African. We do have an irritating sense of entitlement. Everyone feels like  someone owes them something. Why will a passenger be obligated to look for 'change' for a driver especially in Lagos?

This is the same reason why in Africa, there is a so-called 'wicked broda or sista' somewhere who has not helped a fellow. How about that fellow helping 'wicked broda or sista.' I am pretty sure the sun won't turn black.

Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am right. I just feel that no one owes anyone anything.

"I no get time to find change for you. If I no get change, that one concern you there" the driver fires with an air of furiousness. The young man seemed unperturbed. One thing was certain if it resulted in trading of blows, 'Broda Youngie will beat 'Baba driver' blue black.

Perhaps. Just perhaps, that was his consolation.

The yellow and black striped bus stopped abruptly at a bus stop, a passenger alighted from the first seat and a plump man boarded.

It was obvious that the passengers on the seat were trying hard to sit comfortably.

"Make una shift abeg" the plump man said with a near growl.

The passengers make an attempt and he repeats again, "I say make una shift na"

"Oga which one be your own? We never shift?" a lanky man retorted.

"The motor be like your father car? My fren, shift" 'Uncle Plumpy replied angrily.

"No! Na your grandfather car" the lanky man shot back. There was a roar of laughter in the bus.
"As if you no know say you big, next time pay for two seats, no come here compress us," he adds.

"Bomb dey your brain," Uncle Plumpy yells at him with his index finger pointing to his head.

The two men release their demons and pour out all the venoms from their mouths. The bus would probably look like a moving noisy market to some motorists.

I get to CMS and I am glad to be in a sane spot again. As for the final results of their 'match', I will need to run a re-broadcast.


Jennie 1 Vs Aunty Heavy Makeup 0

 Broda Youngie 1 Vs Baba Driver 0

 Uncle Lanky 1 Vs Uncle Plumpy (Half -time score)




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