Skip to main content

IFEATU'S BUS CHRONICLE: A CLASH OF OG'S AND PAPI WATER


I have a thing for places. It's unexplainable. All I can say is that I have certain emotions about certain geographical locations.


I remember once taking a trip to see a house where I was raised as a kid. My findings made me sad, the house had dilapidated, the children of the landlord had been in court over a tussle of inheritance. I expected a lively compound filled with people but it was an abandoned shadow of itself. It's a weird thing to say but I felt emotionally drained.


Some places make me nauseous, some excited, some sad and some really angry. One thing I can say is I will always long for a feel of Lagos irrespective of where I am.


The yellow bus is rolling on the tarred road. One glance at my Google map tells me there is traffic ahead. 


My mind is on a wanderlust trip. It is always wandering. The conductor has been petty and rambling. He is lashing out insults at whoever he thinks deserves it.


"Idiot, see as you keep face like wizard wey never suck blood" a thin lady with a shrill voice lashes at him in retaliation.


He mumbled something that I didn't hear but he had been humbled. He keeps calm and looks really sober. He has a match. Good stuff.


Burna Boy’s sonorous his spilling lyrics from ‘Collateral Damage.’ His voice is desperately trying to drown the harmony of beats from the groove box, guitar and cowhide drum. I just hope he knows how vulnerable he make me feel especially with the happenings in the country lately of which the #xenophobiattacks in South Africa is chief. 


As for the Nigerian Government, forget about it. We have no government. 


"Owo da?!" The conductor jolts me back to reality. He collects his fare from the passengers then taps an older man on the second seat.


“Paapa! Your money?” He asks the older man in his coarse voice. 


“Na me you touch like that? You dey craze” Paapa’s voice is obviously more coarse than the conductor. He appears to be in his sixties. 


“Oga, give me money. I  no wan hear story” the conductor says carelessly. 

“You dey mad! Come collect am for my pocket. Since you just dey run mouth for this bus. Abi you no know say the bus tight? I go give you when I dey comfortable.”

“Oga, you dey find my trouble. Give me my money o” the conductor warns.

“Shebi you be hulk hogan wey wan beat everybody for this bus before? You go beat me if I no give you now? I go show you say when I do Agbero work, dem never born you. You know who I be? From Onitsha, Aba to Lagos, no just try me.”

Some passengers are laughing behind. The driver warns his conductor to calm down and allow the older man give him his fare when he can. The young man sits on the makeshift position for conductors with his face facing the window. 

Perhaps, only old gangsters (OG’s) can make younger ones calm down.   

There is a sudden serenity. I slip out my phone to check the time then feel the bus slide in a pothole. There is a deep pool of water ahead. An obvious aftermath of the rain the previous night. 
A mess belonging to My Nigerian government, Salvager of Xenophobic attacks, Clumsy protector of it's citizenry and Builders of imaginary roads.

“Oga, that place deep o!” A conductor that had alighted from another bus warns him. 

“I go fit manouver am,” he says confidently as he turns his steering. 

“Driver, you no dey hear say that side deep?” a lanky dressed in a navy blue suit warens again. 

There was a plunge and a surge of water. One that will forever remind me of how Jack and Rose felt when the Titanic hit an iceberg. 

I make a fast move to leap on my seat.

“Driver, water go chop person for here. Come open door.” a short plump man yelled in his thick Igbo accent. 

I am laughing, I honestly shouldn’t be laughing but overtime I have trained my mind to laugh even when things seem not too pleasant. 

His several attempts to fire his engine to power was futile. We were in the middle of the deep pool and I am lowkey wondering if this pool has a mini Papi Water. 

Some young men offer to help the passengers out of the flooded bus for a fee. 

The last I  checked I have no tendency of becoming salt like the biblical Lot’s wife. I wade through the water, thankful for my choice of shoes for the day. A clean up at the office was inevitable. 

Old Gangster 1 Vs Young Gangster 0

Deep pool of water 1 Vs Entire Passengers 0

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

CREATING YOUR CERTAINTY IN A NOT-SO-CERTAIN WORLD

  We are all living with the same level of global uncertainty. Certainty is what you create. The degree of certainty that you are experiencing right now is what you have decided to create.  Certainty is not bestowed on you from some external source. You create the environment that you are able to prosper from. You decide the level of risk you are comfortable with, you decide whether to change and develop the skill to become comfortable with higher levels of uncertainty. Every day you are assessing risk, whether starting a business, leaving a job, booking a holiday or getting on a train. Not deciding still counts as a decision and this is a decision to remain uncertain. How to Create Certainty in an Uncertain World You cannot control the world or anyone in it but you can trust in yourself.  Here is how to create certainty in an uncertain world: Remember that challenge and change are merely detours in the right direction, if you are open to the lessons that the challe...

MEET AYOTUNDE SOFELA, THE FEMALE MECHANIC WHOSE HEART BEATS FOR PROPER MAINTENANCE OF CARS

Goldfishes have no hiding place, so I guess this is why Ayo could not find a hiding place either. My first contact with her was on Twitter when I was looking out for women in male-dominated industries. I had an open mind while I was on the lookout but my thought had not given me the clue that I 'd stumble a sweet female Mechanic.  Ayotunde Sofela is a 25-year-old Mechanic from Abeokuta in Ogun state. Born and bred in the boisterous city of  Lagos and a 400 level computer science student at the National Open University (NOUN). She is the dedicated hands behind Ayomatics Garage, a young startup focused on delivering efficient, reliable, and trustworthy automobile repair, maintenance and consultation. "I didn’t always have this passion from childhood. Like most children, I wanted to grow up to be a doctor. I think that was influenced by the fact that I spent my childhood days in the midst of medical practitioners. When I got into a secondary school, that idea chang...

In the eye of the mind

She says a dance plus a step Makes up to two steps Is Pythagoras aware? Did you slurp off the vine? Is that why your eyes are red? Thou old drunk lady! Down the broad long road She walks in zig-zag steps On her head rests her load Paying imaginary debts Stable as change On every table matter sits change Yet unstable as water Eyes stare in the mirror Your face is all it sees O careless traveller! When your eyes are open Sights stick to your breasts Like cotton stuck to glue Like sap to a gmelina tree Will you from what you see set your heart free? A matrix of thoughts Electroplated smiles Embellished frowns Interconnected psychic fibres Excreting emotions in fluid and pulp A thunderstorm A ravaging storm Stick your eyes on my back Against your back, my sword makes a barricade Order and pressure me to be lame Your long rolled-up tongue, i will tame I have seen you When the tempest does not rage O disappearing captive of my rib cage I feel yo...